I guess this is a test run on whether or not I enjoy blogging. Can your voice be conveyed properly through this source? I can’t really decide if this is how I want to tell all. Do people still read blogs? I mean, I feel like my experience with blogs is me skimming through to get to the ingredients and cooking steps at the bottom of the page. Yeah, that’s pretty much what I use blogs for, haha. I rarely ever read through the piles and piles of content above the recipe. But, I guess this isn’t a cooking blog. 

There’s a part of me that really hates dislikes that you have to participate in this world of digital content. Well, I guess you don’t HAVE to…you could just live under a rock and disappear into the abyss. I guess now that I’m speaking of it, there’s something in me that feels compelled to speak, or write for that matter. But, also speak. I thought about podcasting as well. But, I do find myself saying um and like a lot. That area might need some work - for now, I just feel better at writing. 

I think sometimes I’d rather opt for speaking because I have so much to say. If I write everything that I want to say, this could end up being a whole ass fucking book.

Where do I even begin? 

Let’s start with where I am, and maybe we’ll rewind to how I got here. 

Currently, I’m sitting at a cafe called Oriberry in the neighborhood of Tay Ho in Hanoi, Vietnam. I’m sitting outside in 80 degree weather, blasting music through my headphones, while the sound of motorbikes pass me on the street. 

How did I get here? Well, the long story will have to be explained in another blog post. But - the short story: 

At the beginning of February, I decided to not renew my month-to-month lease in my adorable little apartment in Ktown/East Hollywood. This was an idea that I had toyed with for about a year now, but maybe something I’ve lowkey been manifesting for a couple years. Although, I will say that my hand was a little forced in making this decision. In all honesty, I was barely making ends meet. Overall, I was spending almost $5,000 a month in expenses living in Los Angeles. In November of 2021, I decided to leap into freelancing full-time (with no prior experience - I do not recommend lmao). As much as I absolutely love the freedom with my time, it also comes with knowing that this lifestyle is not necessarily financially stable. 

I bought my way out temporarily by using loans and relying heavily on credit cards (also, do not recommend), but of course as I expected, those options eventually ran out. Thankfully, I have a brother that loves me and has been able to help me in the areas where the ends were not meeting. Without him, I probably wouldn’t have been able to make this move. 

So, back to the beginning of February - it was a decision that was made abruptly. This is something I tend to do. I decide something and then just go for it. It’s not to say that I haven’t thought things through…actually, it’s more so that I’ve thought this through about a million times and finally realize that I will never feel ready, Therefore I need to make a rash decision that will kickstart the entire process of this life change (similar to me moving from Chicago to LA or me hopping into freelancing). This rash decision being the email to my landlord to tell them I will not be renewing my lease. 

I kept this decision to myself for about 5 days before a friend happened to call me late at night. I generally never answer (my DND used to start at 8pm M-F), but she must have called several times because for some reason the call went through, and I actually answered. I remember her asking me “is everything okay?”, in which I replied “I’m leaving LA and I’m gonna travel for a bit.” It felt weird saying it out loud, and at the same time it felt very real. I think that’s maybe why I never mentioned it until that point. 

I chose the shortest month of the year to rid myself of all my “things” and start to plan this next chapter of my life. The month of February was truly a whirlwind. A mix of emotions of excitement, fear, grief, sadness…I wouldn’t consider myself a materialistic person. But, let me fucking tell you..I cannot understand for the life of me why it was so hard to get rid of my things. But, thankfully, I was met with such ease in getting rid of my apartment those next few weeks. It felt almost as if the universe had aligned with my decision and assisted in making this process seamless as a prize for just making the fucking decision already.

So, I let go of 75% of my wardrobe that has accumulated since high school, my favorite boho basket wall decor, my adorable World Market wicker lamp, my cast iron skillet, the furniture that transitioned with me from an apartment with an ex-fiancé and into my first solo apartments, my wedding favors, that I for some unknown reason, just couldn’t let go of after all this time.

In the shortlist of the things that I kept were my records, my Janet Jackson Rolling Stone poster, my crystals, and the first purchase I ever made for my first solo apartment - a little wicker Peacock style chair that I found at the Long Beach flea market (best $15 dollars I ever spent).

You ever listen to the song “Bag Lady” by Erykah Badu? Because that’s what it felt like - physically and metaphorically in so many different ways. 

So, here I am - in Vietnam - living a life that I wrote about once, or twice, maybe 10x during various new moon rituals of writing down the experiences I’d like to bring into my life. Do I actually believe that those work? Well, I think it’s good to envision the life that you want, but I also believe that it has to be met with intentional actions. Sometimes, it feels like those small steps are not getting you closer to anywhere you want to be, but then, out of nowhere - you’re suddenly there.

Bag Lady - Erykah Badu